There will be a day

It's already July! What happened to January, April, March, or May? My 12th birthday will be in what, a few months?

What happened to my 10th birthday, and my 11th? Time didn't go this fast in 2012, I don't think it did...

I just don't know what to do anymore. 4 days from now it'll be August. How'd it get to that point so fast?

Summer is almost over. Fall is about to start, what happened to all the time? What happened to those short months?

What happened to Christmas day, Easter, my little sister's birthday? You never get this day back again, enjoy it til' the end.


"There will be a day, with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears. There will be a day, when the burden of this place, will be no more, and we'll see Jesus face to face." Jeremy Camp

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Verse of the day:


In your unfailing love you will lead

the people you have redeemed.

In your strength you will guide them

to your holy dwelling. Exodus 15:13 (NIV)

Buddy - My best friend.

A few months ago, my Mommy found out about Autism Service Dogs. They were similar to Seeing eye dogs, and such, but not really... We did a lot of research, and there was also a companion dog, who wouldn't be able to go in public stores and places like that, I basically denied the companion dog, then we finally decided to fill out a form for a service dog... But I kind of felt this knocking in my heart, then I started thinking about companion dogs... So I told Mommy and Daddy and we went to petfinder.com, and looked through a LOT of dogs, we wanted a border collie, because we heard they were intelligent. We found two, Rio and Clooney on a different site, we contacted the owners for both, Rio had been given to a shelter, and Clooney we got a rude response from... Then we went back to petfinder.com and I started looking through the dogs, I scrolled and pressed next page for what seemed hours and hours... Then I saw, him. The perfect dog laying infront of my eyes on the screen, I knew he was the perfect dog. We contacted the owners of the rescue, 4Petsake, and got a time to meet the dog. During that time, I was walking on pins and needles, (not literally. ;) ) then came March 30th 2013, we drove out to meet them at PetSmart. When we got there, we were told he was in the salon, so we patiently waited, (not me of course! Hehe. =]) When he came out... Wow, I just knew he was perfect, just by the look in his eyes, he came over to me and started licking me all over. Soon after we went to the training box as I call it, and the trainer got him to sit within seconds, then we went out to walk him, I tried walking him, but my shoes were really slippery so I was basically being dragged, infact he made a run for the front door. I was afraid to pull back because I was afraid I would hurt him. Soon, we went to get a few things, like a leash and such, and a tag for his collar. Then we filled out paperwork, and they said since he was going to be a service dog, they would give him to us for free. (If your reading this, 4Petsake, THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH! He is doing great in his new home! =]) Honestly, by their kindness I was starting to get a bit teary-eyed. I would of paid my whole piggy-bank for my new friend, I wish I could of thanked them over and over and over... Soon we came home, he did absolutey great, and he still does to this day. God sent that dog for me, to be my friend. I am so greatful. Thank you 4Petsake. Thank you.


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Cry out, “Save us, God our Savior;
gather us and deliver us from the nations,
that we may give thanks to your holy name,
and glory in your praise.” 1 Chronicles 16:35

Too grown up...

I'm 11.. But I feel older, too grown up.. I don't get magical pillow rides anymore... I'm almost as tall as my mommy. I have flashbacks of my past, it's like it all slipped on by. Went in a blink, my playtime.. Hiding underneath a blanket with my mommy because it was thundering. Swinging on a swing at my old house playing with ants and having my photo taken... Seeing my grandpa... Jogging with my daddy. Opening a gift and screaming cause it was exactly what I wanted... It has all gone by too fast... I would give 1,0000000$ just to see my grandpa's, poppys face again, photos are memory, I remember the way he looked. I love him and miss him a lot... But the problem is, I can't get those priceless seconds back. My mind mocks me every day, I didn't realize it at first, but it is... It may sound weird but its true... It says "why are you afraid of something so small?! You must not be brave enough for the world." "You should of said goodbye, but you were too scared." It bullies me, yes my mind is controlled by me, but these thoughts. Their not coming from myself. It was my mind who told me to hit myself and that I deserved it. It's like it's acting to be a ruler over me. I want it to stop... And only sometimes can I fight it off, say bible verses, I say this at my mind, "I don't have to be afraid, God is with me, and in the bible it said he'd never forsake me. He's with me always." But my mind shakes it off...

Just Me.

There’s a 11 year old girl, named Sydney, with Aspergers, a form of Autism... That girl is me. I may seem different, while I scream, throw things, pull my hair, but that is not me. My brain tells me I’m different. I’m strange, and all the normal looks I get from strangers, seem like their glares, mean looks. Their not.

All my senses come all in at once, I can’t make them stop, it’s like a current of water. It’s fast and strong, it’s hard to explain, but what I read on a website, is very very true, “Their senses, hear, smell and feel come in - all at once -“ < This is me. I’m very shy, and self-conscious because of this- disorder. 

I can’t seem to explain that to anyone except my family. I’ve been called names, “fool.” “mean.” My eyes fill with tears, more than there should be. 

Everyday, I get sinus, 'stuff coming up my throat’ My brain tells me not to believe what other people say, “It’s a fear.” “It’s not really coming up your throat” “It’s a sensation” My brain keeps saying, “It’s coming up your throat, your going to miserable” I try my hardest not to believe these things. But sometimes that gets to be too much.

I don’t mean to scream. I don’t mean to throw things. I don’t mean to pull my hair. Why am I called these things? People in public look at me as if I’m strange, as I sit impatiently at a restaurant because I’m hungry. They don’t understand that ALL of my senses are hitting me at once, hard. I don’t want to be looked at like that. I don’t want to be talked about as the girl whos different, strange, and weird. I don’t want to do these things. I try NOT to. 

But it’s hard, very hard.






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Verse of the day:



Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39 (NIV)

The fight between me and myself

I sit in car singing being happy, then suddenly a voice in the back of my mind says,

"You should feel terrible. You failed God. You never told the rest of your family about Him.

You are a failure." I start to cry silently in the back of the car.

My thoughts suddenly start flowing, all of them saying: "I failed God"

Full with tears,

I bow my head and close my eyes, praying that those thoughts would stop...

I know their lies, but my mind tricks me into believing them...

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I will edit this later with the verse of the day, since I forgot one


of the suggestions.

Just the way you are.

It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, true beauty lives inside of you and me. You don't need eye shadow or blush or even lipgloss to look pretty! You were created in God's image. You are truly beautiful on the inside, no matter what anyone says or thinks, God will always love you just the way you are.



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Verse of the day:


Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)

Thoughts on Jesus

There I sat, on that swing, I kept my thoughts on Jesus, then the thoughts, the lie of fear snuck in between my talk with God. I feel the fear, I shiver and shake. I sink, with my eyes off Jesus. It said in the Bible that Peter sank in the waves when he took his eyes off Jesus and put his gaze on the storm. I fear of what's going to happen tomorrow. I slowly slip away from reality. Then, that ledge. The verse, "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." I say that verse, repeating it. I hold on to that one verse, and I say a prayer, "God, please help me do this, I've had enough of this, this pain and this fear. I need you. In Jesus's name, Amen." I feel the strong hand of Jesus hold me. I know I am safe. I relax and swing on that same swing, repeating verses, and singing praise to God. 

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May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14 (NIV)