Just Me.

There’s a 11 year old girl, named Sydney, with Aspergers, a form of Autism... That girl is me. I may seem different, while I scream, throw things, pull my hair, but that is not me. My brain tells me I’m different. I’m strange, and all the normal looks I get from strangers, seem like their glares, mean looks. Their not.

All my senses come all in at once, I can’t make them stop, it’s like a current of water. It’s fast and strong, it’s hard to explain, but what I read on a website, is very very true, “Their senses, hear, smell and feel come in - all at once -“ < This is me. I’m very shy, and self-conscious because of this- disorder. 

I can’t seem to explain that to anyone except my family. I’ve been called names, “fool.” “mean.” My eyes fill with tears, more than there should be. 

Everyday, I get sinus, 'stuff coming up my throat’ My brain tells me not to believe what other people say, “It’s a fear.” “It’s not really coming up your throat” “It’s a sensation” My brain keeps saying, “It’s coming up your throat, your going to miserable” I try my hardest not to believe these things. But sometimes that gets to be too much.

I don’t mean to scream. I don’t mean to throw things. I don’t mean to pull my hair. Why am I called these things? People in public look at me as if I’m strange, as I sit impatiently at a restaurant because I’m hungry. They don’t understand that ALL of my senses are hitting me at once, hard. I don’t want to be looked at like that. I don’t want to be talked about as the girl whos different, strange, and weird. I don’t want to do these things. I try NOT to. 

But it’s hard, very hard.






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Verse of the day:



Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39 (NIV)