The fight between me and myself

I sit in car singing being happy, then suddenly a voice in the back of my mind says,

"You should feel terrible. You failed God. You never told the rest of your family about Him.

You are a failure." I start to cry silently in the back of the car.

My thoughts suddenly start flowing, all of them saying: "I failed God"

Full with tears,

I bow my head and close my eyes, praying that those thoughts would stop...

I know their lies, but my mind tricks me into believing them...

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I will edit this later with the verse of the day, since I forgot one


of the suggestions.

Just the way you are.

It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, true beauty lives inside of you and me. You don't need eye shadow or blush or even lipgloss to look pretty! You were created in God's image. You are truly beautiful on the inside, no matter what anyone says or thinks, God will always love you just the way you are.



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Verse of the day:


Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)

Thoughts on Jesus

There I sat, on that swing, I kept my thoughts on Jesus, then the thoughts, the lie of fear snuck in between my talk with God. I feel the fear, I shiver and shake. I sink, with my eyes off Jesus. It said in the Bible that Peter sank in the waves when he took his eyes off Jesus and put his gaze on the storm. I fear of what's going to happen tomorrow. I slowly slip away from reality. Then, that ledge. The verse, "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." I say that verse, repeating it. I hold on to that one verse, and I say a prayer, "God, please help me do this, I've had enough of this, this pain and this fear. I need you. In Jesus's name, Amen." I feel the strong hand of Jesus hold me. I know I am safe. I relax and swing on that same swing, repeating verses, and singing praise to God. 

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May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14 (NIV)

Face to face.

The memory, it flows through my mind as I sit through this day. 

Memories of driving to hospital and seeing the clouds. 

It feels like it’s real. It’s like my mind is mocking me. 

My thoughts toward that day. 

The 23rd when my Grandpa, Poppy went up to Heaven and saw Jesus. 

Face to face.

He was always there.

I sat up on that stage, setting up the music. I tap the play button, and listen to the song, repeating the words, then I stop. Fear up to the brim. I forgot. Tears come pouring out, my mind lies, it says that I’m alone. All alone, God’s not here. I forget the truth, I forget His Word.





I can do anything through him who strengthens me.


Love never fails


Perfect Love casts out all fear.

I forget His word and go running.





The next day, I go up to that stage once more. My body shakes. The lady sets up the music stand to go in front of my sight. I sing, remembering the verses. God was there. He was always there.


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So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

October

October, the month where the holiday of spending time with family, and gathering candy lays.

October, the month that I dread. I'm too afraid to face October.... 

Why? Poppy died in October. 

The stress overwhelms my body with fear and tears. I shiver and shake every day of October, trying to hold back tears. It soon becomes too overwhelming. I cry for God's help. 

I pray, trying to have Faith that God will fix this grief. And help me to forget the dread, and be happy that Poppy is in Heaven, with the glory of God.


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“Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.” Isaiah 55:6 (NIV)

Fear distracts from the light.

Do you think some little drops of rain are gonna make a day bad?

Or maybe grey clouds gathering in the distance?

Or, lightning just over the horizon?

Maybe your disappointed about something?

Maybe your nervous or anxious about something...



Just remember this one simple verse...:



He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

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“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,” Philippians 1:9-10 (NIV)

Praise be to the Lord!

Today, a wish and a prayer came true. The little early Christmas present came to our family on May 1st 2011, as of August 29th 2012, Sophie is now 'officially' in our family! Welcome Sophie to the family and thank you Lord for taking us this far! <3




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Today's verse of the day:


Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! Psalm 66:20 (NIV)

A hard goodbye...

I remember the day...

It was about 6 AM in the morning... I hear the phone ring and Mommy sits up to take the call, she cries into the phone. I shake, I knew what was happening. I held back my tears, trying to remain strong to comfort her... We soon load up the car and drive off... To the hospital.

I wait through the long ride. And after what felt like hours, we were finally there. We all open the doors of the car and quickly rush into the hospital and join the rest of the family in a tight room. Soon enough, we got to be in the same room as him. I listened to his breaths, short and quiet. I’m holding back the tears as I look at Bailey. Soon the tears break free... And I cry on Bailey’s lap. Soon we left the room...

After a little while, Mommy and Daddy walked over to me. I could tell there was news, and it wasn’t good. “Poppy’s gonna die... do you want to say goodbye?” She says, tears welling up in her eyes. I shook my head. I was too scared to say goodbye... I hold back the tears again... Only to have them break free as I hug Mommy. My tears escape onto her shoulders...

A little while after, everyone was nervous. Waiting inside the small room of the hospital... Soon Mommy got a migraine and we had to go home...

We went back after a hour or so... And on the way we got a phonecall. I couldn’t make out what the person was saying... But after hearing Mommy cry, “Goodbye Daddy. Goodbye.”

All the lights outside blurred. I couldn’t cry. The moment was too shocking. I wished I could go back in time and say goodbye. I silently cried. Everything is a blur, I am stuck in thoughts.




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Todays verse of the day:



He is the one you praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wondersyou saw with your own eyes. Deuteronomy 10:21 (NIV)

My stories.

Happy blue

The sun started to rise, the dark blue sky turned into a pinkish blue sky... Soon after the sky turned to a happy blue color!

It was a beautiful blue. The prettiest I have ever seen.




The joyful meerkat.

The sun peeked up from behind a hill, there was a meerkat watching the sun come up... And the meerkat's eyes were filled with joy. The grass underneath her started to dance in the wind, the sky was a beautiful pink color, the clouds looked almost purple.

She was joyful, that the morning had come, it was a beautiful pink sunny day. Another meerkat woke up, and sat next to her. They both looked pink from the reflection of the sun. They were happy and joyful, and they made little sqeak sounds...

They sounded... As if they were laughing. They looked at eachother smiling. The wind blew one last time making the grass dance once more... One of the meerkats walked up to the other, it was almost as she was hugging him.